2024

I’m so pathetic, staring into a void I’ve convinced myself, are your eyes. 

I’m so pathetic, sitting by myself, scrolling searching your name on everything my this screen contains. 

Memories thrown in my face, your voice catches me off guard. 

No safety net this time, no one to comfort me, but the sound of you calling me your love. 

I’m so pathetic, the uber driver- he knows the roads better than I do, yet I challenge him. 

On the edge of my seat, passing through the streets where you’d walk a bed of lies ahead of me. The grocery store I’d run to, in the middle of a storm, simply to see your face light up as you’d come home from work, knowing you’d have a plate full of what you’d asked for.

If I could catch a glimpse of you one more time, make it hopefully “not the last,” I’d give anything. The smile that photosynthesised on your face, kept me satisfied. for hours, for days, for weeks, for months, a year. 

But my increased appetite seemed to have upset you. 

And so I starved myself. And you seemed to like me better. 

Some days I’d surprise you, some days you’d think of surprising me. And so I’d patiently wait for the day you would do what you said, suns set, suns rose. 

Celestial events passed, you witnessed with people who were not me, as I waited hours on end, on your tattered couch- your, our little pawed babies in my arms. I was so pathetic, speaking into their ears, crying in their arms, every time you’d walk out on me. 

Every time you’d throw what was in your grip. Every time you’d raise your voice, every time you didn’t care to ask if you hurt me. 

Because in your head, you’d forget. 

All you’d want to keep me safe from were the people who could hurt me. 

In your head, you’d forget. 

That the one person who could hurt me the most, was you.